


ruin my life

by jenny lind (Lilitu)



Series: Jenny Lind [2]
Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Heavy Angst, Kissing, Never enough, P.T. Barnum & Jenny Lind, Unrequited Love, ruin my life: zara larsson, song: ruin my life, tightrope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 07:02:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18138959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilitu/pseuds/jenny%20lind
Summary: As she storms away from P.T. Barnum, her steps falter. She’s never known anyone who makes her feel like he does. She’s never wanted to throw away her fame more badly than she does right now. And she’s never wanted to turn back more, but now she’s walking a tightrope, about to fall.





	ruin my life

_I miss you pushing me close to the edge_

As she storms away from P.T. Barnum, her steps falter. She’s never known anyone who makes her feel like he does. She’s never wanted to throw away her fame more badly than she does right now. And she’s never wanted to turn back more, but now she’s walking a tightrope, about to fall.

_I miss you_

She locks the bedroom door and sprawls on the bed in a broken heap of anger and lust and sorrow for the things she will never have.

_You set fire to my world, couldn't handle the heat_

But she can’t stop thinking about how he pulled away from her at the last moment, as if she were a poisonous snake. Maybe she is one. She knows -has known- he has a wife, but he never mentions her. And Jenny's never bothered to ask.

_I want you to ruin my life_

She misses being next to him already, and it’s not healthy, her love. Even if he rejects her a thousand times, she will always come back.

_You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life, yeah_

The mere thought of him causes her so much grief, but she can’t stop. Every single conversation they’ve had, every unfathomable look he’s given her, every bottle of wine they’ve shared.

_I want you to fuck up my nights, yeah_

If she weren’t sitting she thinks her knees might go out from under her. He makes her so weak in all the wrong ways. They’ll never be together, not the way she wants them to be. _Just get over yourself, Jenny._

She’s such a selfish fool.

_Fuck up my nights, yeah, all of my nights, yeah_

How can she face him tonight? She’s completely ruined whatever they’ve been cultivating between each other for the past few months. 

_I want you to ruin my life_

Her fingers clench in the folds of her dress as she imagines a dozen different scenarios. All of them involve him storming away like she just did. In a way, she wants him to hurt her. She should stop while she can, because he's like opium to her, and she will take and take of him until she's in ruins.

_You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life_

Jenny curls up on her side and holds a pillow to her chest, pretending that he is with her, a beautiful daydream. She readies for the performance in silence.

_Now I'm sleeping alone and I'm starting to freeze_

It is night when they board the carriage. Barnum helps her up. He has always treated her well. Maybe that’s why she mistook his actions toward her as love. She keeps his hand entwined with hers for just a few seconds longer than appropriate. They sit in silence until they reach the theatre. “Miss Lind,” he says formally, proffering his hand, and she can’t bear to look at him with her head high. She shuts her eyes tightly against the onslaught of emotions and turns away.

_Come back to me, come back to me_

Her performance is a disaster. Her voice shakes and tears well up in her eyes despite her attempts to will them back. She refuses to look at where he is standing. At the end he strides from the wings to take her hand, and they bow together. Business as usual for him, and it’s that thought that makes her brave.

_I want you to ruin my life_

She puts her other hand at his waist and presses her lips to his. Her tears stream down her face and onto their combined lips, bittersweet. She’s never been this warm. The flash of cameras and the murmur of the crowd sends a heady rush through her body. Jenny lets herself drown in his face, his scent, his skin, one last time, but she makes herself let go of him. All things, even the broken ones, must be abandoned eventually. He staggers backward in shock or in horror or perhaps both.

“That was goodbye,” she whispers, and that is the last time she ever sees him.

_You to ruin my life, you to ruin my life_

“When you’re careless with other people, you bring ruin upon yourself.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so gay for jenny lind and i firmly believe she deserved a better ending but angst?? angst is always good, even though i haven't written angst (or in general) for a long time.


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